everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
