weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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