Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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