It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
