hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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