Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
