he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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