I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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