I hate all girls vehemently.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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