I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
