I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize