I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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