Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
