This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
