I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
