Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
