The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so let's talk penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
