i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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