she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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