I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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