if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
