dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
