I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
