i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
