Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
