This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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