I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
