my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
