I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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