As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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