Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
