Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
