she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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