dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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