Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
