Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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