the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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