I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
