i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
