BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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