it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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