saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
