3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
