thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
