i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
then he tried to convert me to islam
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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