Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
