how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
