well you can't waste a boner
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
