If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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