i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
