This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
