..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
