i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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