Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
