He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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