I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
