Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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