Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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