last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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