Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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