how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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