He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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