I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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