i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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