i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
