I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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