so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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